Woody Allen’s Moose and Misdemeanors

Before Allen made “Manhattan,” he took the city by storm with this offbeat hunting tale. In his early days of performing, though, Allen was gun-shy. A nervous wreck, Allen tried to camouflage himself with the stage’s microphone, not to mention his thick, signature specs. Ultimately, Allen’s great story telling made him a hit with audiences, while his own story made him a hit with the tabloid press.

I Shot A Moose

Here’s a story you’re not going to believe. I shot a moose once. I was hunting in upstate New York, and I shot a moose. And I strap him onto the fender of my car, and I’m driving along the West Side Highway. But what I didn’t realize was that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased his scalp, knocking him unconscious. And I’m driving through the Holland Tunnel and the moose wakes up. So I’m driving with a live moose on my fender and the moose is signaling for a turn.

And there’s a law in New York State against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

And I’m very panicky. And then it hits me — some friends of mine are having a costume party. I’ll go. I’ll take the moose. I’ll ditch him at the party. It won’t be my responsibility. So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door, and the moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say, ‘Hello, you know the Solomon’s.’

We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored. Some guy was trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half. Twelve o’clock comes; they give out prizes for the best costume of the night.

First prize goes to the Berkowitzes, a married couple dressed as a moose. The moose comes in second. The moose is furious. He and the Berkowitzes lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious.

Now, I figure, here’s my chance. I grab the moose, strap him on my fender, and shoot back to the woods. But I’ve got the Berkowitzes. So I’m driving along with two Jewish people on my fender. And there’s a law in New York State, Tuesday, Thursday, and especially Saturday….

The following morning, the Berkowitzes wake up in the woods in a moose suit. Mr. Berkowitz is shot, stuffed, and mounted at the New York Athletic Club. And the joke is on them, ‘cause it’s restricted.

Unfortunately, this great raconteur did not stick around long on the stand-up scene. By 1965, Allen was shooting something else entirely – movies. While Allen has made more than thirty flicks to his credit, many stand-up connoisseurs believe that his very best work was actually as a stand-up…

Woody Allen in Nothing Routine on, “I Shot a Moose,” Routine:

No I have never been hunting. It just occurred to me. I can’t remember where or when. It is a total fabrication. I never was hunting or anything and usually in those night club years things would occur to me in the day time and I would mark them down and try them out in the evening and gradually some things would work and some things wouldn’t and as the weeks went by, even months; you would add things or subtract things. Stuff would really evolve more or less not in one full swoop but over periods of time. It was so long ago that I can’t recall the specific details of it, but it emerged I’m sure the way all of my material, or 99 percent of it emerged when I was a nightclub comic and that is with some notion that would occur to me in the day time. And I would talk about it on the floor. I played the kind of night clubs where you could experiment very easily. I really wasn’t under the gun to succeed and I’d be down in the Village or something and you know you could speak freely at night and some stuff would drop away by natural selection and other ideas apparently made the audience laugh: so that stuff would stick.

7:54 pm  •  20 January 2009

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